What ever happened to Helena G Wells?
by Athena mou
Summary: HG Wells was numb. When they pushed her into the dark van she felt nothing, she didn't even flinch when her shoulder briefly hit the side of the car. Nothing. Spoiler for Season 2 finale Reset. HG Wells/Myka B Crossover with Sanctuary.
1. Chapter 1

HG Wells was numb. When they pushed her into the dark van she felt nothing, she didn't even flinch when her shoulder briefly hit the side of the car. Nothing.

She had not dared to look at Myka. Her sweet, wonderful Myka. If she had, she would have broken down completely. Instead she pushed all thoughts of Myka out of her mind.

They had moved her shackles so her hands were now resting in her lap. She smirked as she looked at the white cotton mittens covering her hands. They were clever, she gave them that much. She would easily have picked to lock behind her back. She felt the large guard move on her left. She tried to move her body so they weren't touching. No such luck. The feel of him so close made her feel cramped, like a cornered animal. She needed space, she needed to be alone. She glanced out the window at the desolate landscape. It mirrored her soul. She was finally totally alone. That's why she had not picked the lock. That's why she had not fought them. She had nothing left to fight for.

They had taken her to a small airstrip somewhere in the middle of nowhere. A sleek silver jet had swept her away from South Dakota and everyone that mattered to her in this life. At some point she had dozed off as sheer exhaustion finally took its toll on her. She instantly woke when she felt a sharp pain in her left arm. A syringe. She sneered at the man across from her. "Are you planning on killing me? Right here?" He didn't answer her. She looked at the hand holding her arm. Female, she noticed. For some strange reason it was vague familiar. She tried to turn her head when the sedative finally kicked in and she slumped in her seat. Gentle hands smoothed her hair away from her face and touched her neck to check her pulse.

"She's fine," the man said sternly. "No reason to worry."

"I beg to differ," she said, standing up to him. "She's my patient, and if I want to take certain precautions, that is my call, and my call alone."

He nodded. "As you wish doctor. Just watch out. She is very deceptive."

She looked at him and smiled. He didn't like that smile. It was a patronizing smile, one you would grant a child. "You don't think I know that?" she asked. She caressed HG's hair again, thinking that she needed to tie it up. "I know her better than any of you."

He nodded. "She has changed."

"Maybe."

HG stirred and smiled. She could smell leather and something else vaguely familiar. It reminded her of home. She slowly opened her eyes. Her vision was blurry and she panicked for a moment. Then she remembered. They had drugged her. She slowly sat up and cradled her head in her hands. Her hair was tied back and she reached out to feel the tight braid. She wondered who had done it. It seemed like such a caring gesture. It didn't fit.

When her vision finally cleared she realized that she was in a large bed. She looked around in surprise. It looked just like her bedroom back in her house in London. She started to shake. Was she dead after all? A soft buzzing startled her. She looked over in its direction and noticed the camera. She smirked at it. Of course. She slowly got out of bed and walked barefoot to the door, curious to what she would find on the other side. Would it even open? She rested her hand on the door handle for a second before she turned it and the door opened with a soft creaking sound. She peaked inside and to her surprise she was in her own parlor. A fire crackled and danced in the fireplace, and a book rested on the small table by her favorite chair. She walked over and picked it up. She ran her hand over its soft leather cover and then hugged it to her. She closed her eyes and just inhaled the smells of the past.

"Hello Helena," a soft voice said behind her. She twirled around. For the first time she noticed that the far left wall was entirely made of glass. A woman was standing on the other side. She was smiling at her. Helena gaped and dropped the book.

"It's not possible," she whispered shocked.

She nodded. "But yet here we are, over a century later."

Helena rushed over to the glass and put her hands against it. She watched this woman from her past raise her hand and touch her palm to hers. "Helen," she whispered. "Helen Magnus."


	2. Chapter 2

Helen just smiled at her and watched curiously as the emotions swept over Helena's face. It had been so easy really to crack her shell. After all, Helen knew this woman better than anyone. "I'm going to come inside now. Will you hurt me?" she asked seriously.

Helena looked her in the eyes for a long moment before she shook her head. "No," she said softly.

Helen nodded and moved over to the electronic lock panel. She punched in the code and entered. The two women just looked at each other. Helena finally took a step towards her, but stopped when Helen held up her hand. "That's close enough Helena," she warned.

"You don't trust me," she said and turned her back at her. She sat down in her chair by the fireplace, legs crossed. She stared into the flames.

"Can you blame me?" Helen asked softly and sat down across from her.

Helena sighed. She looked at her, asking for answers with her dark eyes. "You loved me once Helen."

Helen nodded. "I still do, but many things have changed. We have changed."

Helena nodded. She fought her emotions and willed the sadness away.

"I fought them you know," Helen said softly.

"What?" she said confused.

"I asked them not to bronze you."

Helena gaped. "You knew? You knew all along?" she exclaimed.

Helen nodded sadly.

"How?"

"Who do you think got you into Warehouse 12?" she asked with a tiny little teasing smirk.

"You?" Helena asked shocked. She looked at her old friend and lover as if she had sprouted a second head. "How is that even possible?"

"They listen to me a great deal actually," Helen said and smiled.

"Who?"

"The Regents of course."

"The Regents?" Helena blurted. "Helen, please stop this game. Just tell me what's going on," she shouted exasperated at the woman sitting so calmly across from her.

Helen smiled. Finally some emotions from her, she thought. "I believe you've met Mr. Kazan."

Helena nodded and made a face. "I can't say I care a great deal for him. He was a pleasure to deal with in the beginning, but he ended up being such a disappointment."

Helen chuckled. "He works for me."

Helena's eyebrows shot up. "He works for you?"

Helen nodded.

"What does that make you? The queen bee?" she snapped.

Helen shook her head. "I'm one of the overseers. There are three of us. At any given time there are three overseers who make the final decisions, but one of us is ultimately in charge," she explained. "Currently, that's me. Mr. Kozan is my closest advisor. The Regents provide information and recommendations to him and the others. Call them an advisory board, if you like."

Helena stared at her. "Then get me the hell out of here Helen!" she said sternly.

"I could, but I won't," she said softly.

"You won't!" Helena yelled wild eyed. She started to get up, but sank down in her seat again when she saw Helen's raised hand.

"You are here for your own protection darling," Helen said softly.

Helena startled at the endearment term. She closed her eyes and fought the tears.

"They had planned to kill you." Helen stated matter-of-factly. The emotions rippling through Helena had not gone unnoticed. She pushed forward, determined to bring her to the edge. "I convinced them that you needed socialization more than anything. That's why I did all this," she said and made a sweeping gesture to the room they were in. "It's all yours Helena. Not copies, but actually yours, from your house."

"I know," she whispered. "I can feel the difference."

"You have been in a very dark place for a very long time. As I tried to tell them a century ago, it is a dangerous idea to put someone so out of balance in a place devoid of love and human interaction. They didn't listen. I think they'd planned to keep you there forever, so what did it matter to them?"

"Neanderthals," Helena muttered darkly.

Helen smiled. "Perhaps. It was a different time. We didn't know as much about the mind and the psyche back then, as we do now. Anyway, you are here because I asked them to bring you here. You are safe here, and perhaps together we can repair the damage done to you."

Helena raised her head and narrowed her dark eyes. "What is this place anyway?"

"It's called the Sanctuary. It's a place for abnormals and people who are different."

Helena laughed. "A place for crazy people then."

Helen shook her head. "Not at all. I will show you, but not now. You're not ready." She got up and moved over to the exit. She looked back at Helena and smiled. "Get dressed Helena, and spend some time with your things. Breakfast is waiting for you in the other room," she said gently. "I'll be back later. For dinner."

"Don't bother, Helen," she muttered.

"I will be back, and you will eat with me," Helen said sternly.

Helena's head snapped up when she heard the steel in Helen's voice. She had never heard that tone from her before. Helen had always been so gentle. She realized in that moment that Helen would be a formidable foe, perhaps one that could even beat her. She nodded silently and disappeared into the bedroom.

Helena stood facing the shower in her bathroom, the only modern addition to her rooms. She looked up at the ceiling and spotted the camera. A smirk settled on her lips and she folded her arms. "Naughty," she said and looked straight into the camera.

"It's all right Helena," Helen's voice came calmly over the speakers. "I'm the only one who has access to this camera."

Helena raised an eyebrow and slowly started to unbutton her shirt, eyes fixed on the camera. "Well, then Helen, enjoy the show," she said huskily.

"Oh do stop it Helena," Helen said annoyed. "I've seen you naked many times before. This is only for your own protection."

Helena chuckled, pleased that she had unsettled Helen just a little. "I seem to remember that you liked to look at my naked body a great deal," she said and shed her shirt.

Helen was silent on the other end. "No comments Helen?" she teased.

Helen refused to take the bait. She focused on Helena's beautiful face, avoiding looking at the rest of her body. She took a ragged breath when Helena ran her hands over her body. She was right, it did affect her. Helen shook her head trying to snap out of it. There were some things that were best left in the past, and Helena Wells was definitely one of them.


	3. Chapter 3

Over the next couple of weeks Helen had spent a lot of time with Helena. They had talked and laughed, argued and even cried together. Helen realized during the first couple of sessions with Helena that this was very different from any other counseling she had done. Helena needed to see her emotional state crack too. The more she opened up to Helena, and the more of her own vulnerability she showed, the more Helena opened up. She had even talked about her daughter. Helen sipped her tea and put it down on the table next to her. She cleared her throat and looked at Helena who was sitting in her usual chair across from her. She looked relaxed today, calm and as stable as Helen had seen her since Helena had been brought to her. It was time to confront her about her Achilles' heel.

"Tell me about Myka," she asked softly.

Helena's face hardened. "There's nothing to tell."

"I don't believe that," Helen said softly. "I read her report about you, and I read Artie Nielsen's report from Yellowstone. I know Helena. I know you."

Helena gripped the chair trying to stay calm, her slender fingers clutching the warm wood. "I betrayed her."

Helen nodded. "Go on."

Helena's eyes narrowed. "Why are you doing this?" she cried out in frustration.

Helen just looked at her, waiting.

Helena sighed and gave in. "Myka," she said softly. "Myka is the only woman I've loved since you," she finally admitted. She glanced at Helen to see the response. To her annoyance, Helen's face didn't change. She just smiled and sipped her tea. "I don't know how it happened really; it was like I couldn't resist her. She fought me, she resisted me, but in the end neither of us could stand up to the attraction between us." She grinned at Helen. Helen was taken aback by the almost predatory look in her eyes.

"Making love to Myka is so pure, Helen, so sweet it makes you hurt. She puts as much intensity into it as she does her work. To hear her cry out _my name_ because of _my touch_ brings tears to my eyes," she purred. "I am defenseless against her touch. My body yields to her without hesitation, without asking for anything in return, but yet another grace of her touch." Helena said huskily. She got up and walked across the floor. She kneeled a foot away from Helen, grasping the edge of the side table. "Even if I will never touch her again, never taste her lips again, I will carry her sweet essence with me forever. She is what keeps me grounded, what keeps me from going mad."

Helen was shaken to the core by Helena's words. Without a word she put her hands on Helena's cheeks and smiled at her. "Thank you," she said.

Helena gently covered Helen's hand, enjoying the feel of her touch. It was the first human touch she had felt since the day she had been captured.

Helen patted the seat next to her. "Come sit with me Helena," she offered.

Helena gracefully rose and sat down next to her. They looked at each other for a moment. Finally Helen opened her arms and Helena threw herself against her with a strangled sound. Helen wrapped her arms around her as she cried. She cried and yelled and her body shook with anger and sorrow. Helen just held her until she finally calmed down, completely exhausted. Helen caressed her soft hair. A smile lingered on her lips. Helena's hair had always been one of her favorite things about her old lover.

"I could kill you Helen," Helena said softly against her chest. Her hand only inches from Helen's throat.

Helen just shook her head. "I know you won't darling. You aren't a psychopath, quite the opposite. You are like a lioness, fiercely protecting the ones you love, even if it means hurting them, or yourself in the process."

Helena didn't know quite how to answer, but she knew in her soul that Helen was right. She had never meant to hurt Myka, and she would never hurt Helen. She held her tighter, drawing strength from Helen. A nagging worry somewhere inside wondering when, if ever, she would get to touch her again.

Helen felt how desperately Helena clung to her. She continued to stroke her hair as if this was how they normally spent their late mornings. She finally placed a soft kiss on the crown of Helena's head. She cupped her chin and raised her head. "Just so you know; it has been just as hard for me not to touch you, as it has been for you to keep your distance."

Helena couldn't help but chuckle. "At least you're honest."

"Always. I have never lied to you, and I don't plan on starting now. I might not answer all of your questions, but I will never purposely lie to you. I promise you that," she said sincerely.

Helena smiled and turned her head and kissed her hand. "Thank you."

Helen smiled at the caring gesture. They had made some good progress today. "Helena darling," she said softly. "If you want to touch me, you have my permission to do so."

Helena nodded.


	4. Chapter 4

From that point on Helena touched Helen as often as she could; a little caress here and a soft touch there. Sometimes she held her silently, just enjoying the feel of her in her arms. It was on one of those days that Helen took her hand and led her to the exit. Helena raised an eyebrow in question.

"I want to show you something," Helen said and led her out of the enclosure.

Helena looked around the large round room. She instantly spotted all the security features. This place was indeed a fort. Realizing that it would be very hard, and perhaps even impossible to escape from here she followed Helen silently. Helen led her over to another glass window. It looked like it had water behind it. Helena looked at Helen for an explanation. Then she saw movement and took a step back as a woman's face emerged. A woman with a fish's tail. "A _mermayde_?" she said shocked. "This can't be real. They don't exist."

"Believe it Helena," Helen said and laughed. She put her hand against the glass and the mermaid did the same. Helena watched in fascination as the two seemed to be communicating. Helen looked at her over her shoulder. "Come here," she said. Helena took a cautious step closer. She startled when Helen took her hand and put it against the cold glass. "Listen," she whispered.

Helena had no idea what she had expected to happen, but to hear singing was not one of them. The mermaid _sang_ to her. At first she just listened to the beautiful sound of the song, but after a moment she could make out actual words. The sadness and despair in her voice touched something inside Helena and tears fell from her dark eyes. She was so spellbound by the mermaid she didn't even notice. As Helena's tears fell, the song changed. She could feel hope and joy in the sea creature. She put her other hand against the glass and it too was mirrored from the other side. The song escalated and Helena felt like she was spinning. She felt like she was surrounded by love. She looked into the mermaids clear eyes and finally she understood. When the sea creature disappeared into the opaque water Helena sank to her knees. Helen kneeled next to her, pulling her into a comforting embrace.

After the meeting with the mermaid, Helena started writing again. At first she was using an old-fashioned leather bound journal and her favorite fountain pen, but once Helen realized that her writing was not dangerous, she gave her a computer. Helena was surprised.

"Don't get too excited dear. It doesn't have internet access. It cannot be fiddled with to get access outside of here. Even if you could, the electric shield around this building is impenetrable," Helen explained.

"Thank you for sharing. I would've hated to waste my time for nothing," Helena snapped.

"Just write Helena. You were so happy a moment ago. Don't go down this path," Helen said softly and cupped her cheek. "I'll leave you to it."

Helena didn't answer.

Helen stepped thought the exit, and almost missed the softly spoken words. "Will I see you for dinner?" Helena asked softly.

"Of course," Helen said with a brilliant smile.

Helena didn't know when she started to write about Myka. The first time she realized it she was writing about a character in the new novel she was working on. She sat back and stared at the screen. Her hand shook a little as she scrolled up and reread what she had just written. It sounded like Myka. It felt like Myka. She hid her face in her hands and cried. She felt soft hands on her shoulders and she turned and wrapped her arms around Helen's waist. Helen stroked her hair as she cried.

"I miss her," she finally admitted.

"I know," Helen said softly. "What would you say to her, if you had the chance?"

Helena looked up at her in surprise. Then to Helen's disappointment, she turned away. "Nothing. There's nothing I can say that would make up for what I did to her."

Helen tried to touch her, but she slipped away and walked over to the fireplace. She stood with her back to Helen, her hands resting on the mantle. She looked into the dancing flames as she spoke. "I love Myka more than life itself. I cannot hurt her again. And that's why I cannot ever see her again."

"And what makes you think that's your decision to make Helena?"

Helena turned around. She shook as she looked at the woman standing there. "Myka," she whispered.


	5. Chapter 5

Myka glared at Helen Magnus. Arms folded, she radiated anger and disappointment. "You said she was ready," she snapped angrily at the doctor. She shot the stunned Helena a sharp look, warning her not to come closer. "Obviously she has learned nothing." With those parting words she turned around and left.

Helena finally moved and raced over to the exit door, but it was closed. Myka was gone. She sank to the floor and cried. She screamed out her anger banging her fist against the cold floor.

Helen watched her, waiting patiently. She knew that if she approached Helena right now, she might hurt her. She was of course capable of defending herself, but that would also mean possibly hurting Helena. So she waited. When Helena finally took a ragged breath and tried to sit up she moved over to her. She offered her a hand, which to her surprise was accepted. She pulled her friend and old lover to her feet and wrapped her arms around her. Helena stiffened, but eventually relented. She burrowed her face in Helen's hair as she held her tight.

Helen led her over to the sofa and they sat down. She cradled Helena in her arms like a child, waiting.

"Why Helen?"

Yes, why indeed? "I knew you weren't ready, but I also knew that she needed to see this side of you. She wasn't supposed to be here today. I was going to bring her later on this week."

"Why? I never thought you would be that cruel." Helena said sadly. The raw pain evident in her voice.

"She remembers the charismatic, wonderful and caring woman she fell in love with. But then there are also the few moments of insanity, like when you shot her with the Tesla, and… when you pointed a gun to her head. She's conflicted Helena. She's started to make excuses for your dark behavior. It's a defense mechanism. We want to save ourselves from pain. She's doing that by forcing your darkness out of the picture and only keeping her caring lover."

Helena sat up and looked at Helen for a long moment. There was a message between the lines in what Helen had just told her. When she realized it she covered her mouth as it hit home. "Oh god, she's here. She's been here all along, hasn't she?"

Helen nodded, pleased that she had figured it out. "Your intelligence and extraordinary mind has always impressed me Helena. I knew you would figure it out sooner, or later."

"Tell me," she demanded.

Helen hesitated. "I'll tell you as much as I can. Doctor patient privilege," she explained with a smile.

Helena nodded.

"They brought her here shortly after you actually," she said and looked for Helena's response. She was not disappointed as surprise, then anger, and finally understanding washed over Helena's face. Helena didn't say anything, just nodded. The showing of renewed patience pleased Helen immensely. "She didn't want to talk to me either. You are quite a pair, you know," Helen said and laughed.

Helena laughed, but it turned into a strangled sobbing sound. Helen took her hand to comfort her. "She's opened up a lot over the last couple of weeks, just like you. I had not planned on letting her see you for a while, but fate intervened," she said and sighed.

"What happened?" Helena whispered.

"She came looking for me one evening, and just happened to discover our surveillance room. She saw you."

Helena closed her eyes. "I wish she hadn't."

Helen nodded. "I do too, but for different reasons. Anyway, she demanded to see you. I said no. She wouldn't listen," Helen said and then laughed. "She's almost as stubborn as you darling."

Helena laughed and nodded. "That she is. That she certainly is."

Helen tucked a lock of Helena's hair behind a delicate ear. "She loves you Helena, but she's still in pain. You need to give her time."

Helena sighed. "I will do anything for her."

"Good, because that's probably what you'll end up doing."

Helen gently cupped Helena's chin and made her look at her. "Will you be okay darling?" she asked softly.

Helena nodded. "Go to her. She needs you."

"Thank you. You have come a remarkable way Helena. I am very pleased with you."

Helena shrugged, not ready to accept the praise. Helen understood why. The person that mattered the most to her was still hurting. She got up and walked to the exit. She glanced over her shoulder at the woman on the couch. Helena was in deep thought and didn't even seem to register that she was leaving.

"Henry," Helen said as she swept into the room. "Keep an eye on Helena please."

He nodded. "Sure will boss. I saw what happened."

"Didn't you see Myka on the security cameras?" she asked curiously.

He shrugged. "She's good Helen. She convinced me that you sent for her," he said annoyed. "Damn sneaky secret service people," he muttered.

Helen chuckled. "Don't beat yourself up over it. Maybe it was all for the best. Only the future will tell. Now if you will please excuse me I have to go and check on our young guest."

When she didn't find Myka in her room, Helen got a little worried, but then she started to think. It didn't take her long to figure out where Myka was. She slowly walked towards her, watching as the wind played with her hair. Even angry, Myka was a very beautiful woman. She called out to her. Myka didn't move.

"Myka," she said again, softly this time as she put a gentle hand on her shoulder. She slowly turned her around and saw the tears. "Oh Myka," she said and pulled her into her arms. "I'm so sorry you had to go through this."

"Why Helen? Why did you keep it a secret from me?" she sniffled.

"I knew the two of you aren't ready to see each other yet. You are both hurting too much. You will only hurt each other more at this point. I had hoped to prepare you a little more before letting you see her," she held up her hand to Myka's protesting. "Hear me out Myka. You needed to see her like this. You need to accept the darkness in her too, not just the good. She's a very complex person."

"You love her," Myka said in a small voice.

Helen smiled and caressed her hair. "I do. I love her very much."

"You knew her before, didn't you? Back in England," Myka said, still feeling vulnerable.

"I did. Come, let's talk inside. The wind up here is a bit too chilly for my taste."

Helen stirred her tea and took a sip; its warmth spreading through her body. She scolded herself for running after Myka up on the roof without a coat. She couldn't afford to get sick. She glanced at her guest who was curled up in an armchair across from her, cradling a mug of steaming coffee in her hands.

"She loves you." Myka said suddenly, not looking at Helen.

Helen smiled. "She does." She saw Myka hang her head, her long curls covering her face. "Myka, please look at me," she said softly.

Myka finally raised her head and looked at Helen with sad eyes. "We love each other very much Myka, but our time as lovers is long gone. We were good for each other back then, and we share a common past. No matter where we go, Helena and I will always have a connection, a bond that crosses time and space. It's a bond of love, of friendship, but not a lovers' bond," she said softly. "That bond only exists with you now. You can choose to break it, or not. It is your choice."

"I'm so sorry Helen. I jumped to conclusions."

Helen chuckled. "That's understandable under current circumstances," she tilted her head. "Myka, please don't waste your time being jealous of the bond I share with Helena. You cannot do anything about it. Focus on showing her the love that you have for her. All of her, the darkness too."

"I don't know if I can do that Helen. It scares me."

"And it should. It's part of what makes her her. Your love can control it. Without love she is lost."

Myka pondered her words. "I will try, but on one condition."

Helen hesitated, but she was curious too. "Go on," she encouraged.

"I want to see the tapes."

"You know I can't do that," Helen said sharply.

Myka jumped to her feet and glared at her. "I need to see those tapes. I need to see what she went through."

Helen shook her head. "It's not right, and it will do you no good."

Myka paced back and forth, hands in the air. "You are the one who wants me to embrace her darkness. Well, then show it to me, show me how she's conquering it. Share _something_ with me Helen."

Helen basked in the emotions radiating from Myka. This was the most energy she had seen from her so far. "I'll think about it," she held up a hand. "That's my final word."

Myka nodded. "Thank you."


	6. Chapter 6

Helen stared silently at the Helena on the monitor for a long moment before she turned on the recorder on her personal computer.

"Day 223. Patient Helena George Wells – Ms. Wells' progress has been astounding. Since the introduction of her fellow colleague and friend, Myka Bering, a couple of weeks ago, Wells has started to respond to treatment in a much faster pace than before. She has also responded very well to the introduction of familiar items and rekindling of past memories and friendships. She is talking more freely and she's writing. Recent evidence point to that she still refuses to forgive herself. We will focus on that aspect in future sessions. Dr. Helen Magnus, end report."

She sighed and sipped her tea before turning the recorder on again.

"Day 185. Patient Myka Ophelia Bering – Ms Bering is still dealing with a lot of anger. She tries to analyze and make sense of her current predicament, which is a losing battle. There is no sense in her situation. She is harboring a lot of anger towards both herself and her surroundings, but primarily towards Ms. Wells. At the same time she is withdrawing into her safe place of pleasant memories of her time with Wells. Since we now know the root of what caused Wells' actions, it is in my professional opinion that Bering needs to embrace the knowledge of Wells' darkness, but not the darkness itself." She paused, gathering her thoughts. "Patient Bering has requested to see footage of Wells since she arrived at the Sanctuary. Though this is generally against professional conduct, I am leaning towards allowing it. I believe that it will help move them in the right direction. Dr. Helen Magnus, end report."

Helen leaned back in her chair feeling drained. She had counseled many humans and abmormals over the years, all with their own flaws and issues, but nothing had ever come this close to home. She was struggling staying professional. She smiled; most doctors would have refused to take on a case involving someone you had been intimate with. Helen still knew that she was the only one who could deal with Helena and her unique situation. As far as she knew, Helena was the only one outside of The Five whose life had spanned a century and a half. How could any regular counselor be able to deal with that? Dr. Vanessa Calder perhaps? Maybe. Helen doubted that Helena would trust her, knowing Vanessa's close connection with Artie Nielsen.

Myka had almost forgotten her request. Then one morning when Bigfoot brought her breakfast as usual; there was something new on the tray. A DVD was leaning against her coffee mug. She picked it up with a shaking hand. A note was stuck to it.

_Have an open mind Myka._

She made a strangled sound, and clamped her hand over her mouth. Those had been Helena's words to her, that day in the lab when they had worked together to try and save Claudia's life. It seemed so long ago. She had pondered Helena's words back then, alone in bed that night, as visions of dark hair caressing her face while strong arms pulled her to safety, plagued her mind. Yes, Helena's words had indeed had a double meaning.

Helena was furious. She couldn't focus, she couldn't write. Where was Helen? She had to talk to her. She twirled around as the exit door hissed open. As if summoned Helen stood there smiling at her.

"Where have you been?" Helena demanded to know.

"Good morning Helena. How are you today?" she asked and brought the tray over to the table, ignoring Helena's question. She sat down and looked up at her. "Come, have some tea."

Helena sat down across from her; legs crossed her foot swinging impatiently as she watched Helen pour the tea. Finally she couldn't take it any longer. "How is she?"

Helen smiled and handed her the tea. "Here you go darling."

Helena took it and put it down next to her. "Well?'

"Patience Helena," Helen teased. She saw the annoyance on Helena's face and raised an eyebrow. Finally Helena sighed, defeated and picked up her tea. Helen watched silently as soft lips closed around the thin china, tasting the hot beverage.

"She's angry," she said softly. "But she's beginning to understand."

Helena nodded, silently sipping her tea. Helen picked up an item from the tray and handed it to her. "I thought you might enjoy this."

Helena put her tea down and took the leather bound journal from Helen. Her fingers traced the gold monogram on the outside, GS, _George Sand_. She looked up at Helen. "Where did you get this?"

"I've had it for a very long time," she admitted softly. "I know how much she meant to you. I want you to have it."

"Great auntie GS. She named me, you know. The G in my name stands for George, for GS. Did you know that?" Helena whispered and opened the book to read the cover page. She startled. "This is from when she lived with us," she gasped.

Helen nodded. "She's writing about you in there too."

"But I was just a child. What could I possibly have had to offer that would be important enough to include in her diary?"

Helen smiled. "A very adventurous and spirited child if I remember correctly. She cared a great deal for you. I often heard her speak to your father about you, asking him to be patient, and to have an open mind."

Helena laughed. "I did try to test the boundaries, didn't I?"

"That you certainly did darling."

"Do you remember the first time we met?" Helena asked with a gentle smile. "I was nine. As usual I was in trouble and I had run into the parlor to hide my pain from my father's scolding. I threw myself on the divan, hugging a pillow as I cried."

"I remember," Helen said and moved over to kneel by Helena's feet. "I picked you up and held you as you cried. I still don't understand why you let me."

Helena took her hands and smiled at her. "I felt a connection to you Helen. A fellow free spirit."

"You were my little shadow during the weeks to follow. It was quite endearing."

"Even at the tender age of nine I knew that I craved your attention, your caress, your kisses," Helena said and smiled lovingly at Helen. "I think that you shaped me into who I am today, just as much as my parents. You showed me unconditional love, Helen. I had never had that before."

"And George, she showed you that women can be strong in a man's world. That you can break the chains imposed on you by society," Helen said with a smile. "_There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved,_" she quietly quoted George Sand.

Helena nodded. "I loved her so much, even though it was partly her fault that I was in trouble the day," she said with a chuckle.

"Because of the trousers?"

"Yes!" Helena said and laughed. "Those bloody trousers."

"Well, the next time I saw you, in London in 1886, you were very confident in your trousers, white shirt and vest," Helen said with a chuckle. "You took my breath away, you were so beautiful."

"And you were just as lovely as I remembered," she said softly and touched Helen's hair. "Your hair is different now," she mumbled. "I miss your blond curls."

Helen shrugged. "We all have our reasons for changing who we are."

Helena nodded. "I was only twenty," said, still in the grasp of memories past. "So passionate, but so very young."

Helen chuckled and got up. Helena tugged at her hand and pulled her down on her lap. "I thought you were the most beautiful woman I'd ever met," she said and gently caressed Helen's hips. "I couldn't believe that you wanted to be with me."

Helen's gaze softened. "I felt guilty. You were so young. I felt like I should stay away from you."

"But I didn't give you much choice, did I now?" Helena teased.

"No you certainly did not. As inexperienced as you were, you were very persistent in your pursuit."

"You know why," Helena breathed softly against her neck. Helen shivered.

"I was the first one to love you," she whispered.

"Yes," Helena whispered and pressed her lips against Helen's soft skin.

Helen sighed. Helena's touch still made her skin tingle. She slowly disentangled herself from Helena and stood. She looked down at her and noticed the smirk on Helena's lips. "We were good for each other at one point Helena, but we both know that what's in the past needs to stay in the past. Our lives, even though starting out parallel, have gone in different directions. I am not the one for you anymore."

Helena looked sadly at her. "We could be good for each other again."

Helen gently cupped her cheek. "I'm not the one your heart craves. I'm sorry Helena, but I cannot be someone else's' substitute. It would tear my soul apart."

"I'm sorry Helen," Helena whispered.

Myka silently watched Helena on her computer screen. She was dreaming, clutching a pillow close to her. _Myka_ she mumbled in her sleep.

Myka felt her heart go out to her, but instantly shoved the feeling away. Helena's betrayal was still too fresh to be able to allow herself the comfort of knowing that her lover still needed her. The scene changed. Helena was talking to Helen in the living room. The camera zoomed in on her face, and Myka could see the anger in her eyes. She gasped. Then the moment was gone and Helena hung her head defeated. She watched as Helen held her, gently caressing her hair. A sharp stab of jealousy surfaced and she bristled at the sight of Helen's intimate caress. She sighed frustrated with herself. She was just about to turn off the DVD when the scene changed. Her eyes grew wide. It was Helena in the shower. Naked, with water cascading down her beautiful body. Myka squirmed in her seat as her body reacted to the scene.

"She's stunning," Helen said softly behind her. Myka's ears burned. She felt like she was caught red handed watching something she shouldn't.

"She is," she whispered and looked up at Helen.

"You're still attracted to her. Good," Helen said with a nod of her head.

"Do you really have to do that?" Myka asked softly and gestured to the frozen picture of Helena now wrapped in a towel.

"Do what?"

"Invade her privacy like that?"

"Darling, I'm the only one who has access to this camera," she explained. She pulled a small device out of her pocket. "This will alert me every time she enters the bathroom. It's for her own protection."

Myka nodded in understanding. "It's just painful to watch," she said softly.

"Trust me, Helena is not bothered about it."

"Perhaps you're right."

"So how do you feel this morning?" Helen said cheerfully, steering the conversation away from Helena for a moment.

"All right I guess," Myka mumbled. "It was hard to watch that DVD," she confessed.

"So what's your conclusion?"

"You were right. I have to learn to deal with the darkness in her."

"And?"

Myka jumped to her feet, agitated. "and nothing!" She turned to Helen. "What do you want me to say? That I forgive her? I don't know if I'm ready to do that yet."

"How about forgiving yourself?" Helen asked gently.

Myka turned and stared at her. "Not that either. How could I? I almost destroyed the world."

Helen shook her head. "No you didn't. Helena almost did, but you didn't. You saved it. You saved her."

Myka sank down in her chair again with a sigh of frustration.

"I don't know anymore Helen."

Helen could feel her confusion. "Come have dinner with us tonight?" she said softly.

"I can't," Myka whispered.

"Oh come on now, sure you can. It's just dinner."

Myka walked over to the window and looked out at the city below. "Does she want me there?"

"It's not her decision really, but yes she does."

Myka hung her head. "Okay."

"Excellent. I'll be by around seven."


	7. Chapter 7

Helena looked curiously at Helen as she set the table for three. "Who's our mystery guest?"

"Why, Myka of course," Helen said and slid the napkin holder over the starched linen.

"Myka?" Helena blurted out. She jumped to her feet and crossed the room. She grabbed Helen's shoulders. "Are you mad? She doesn't want to see me."

"Actually she does. Question is, do you?"

Helena let go of Helen's shoulders and turned around, silently pondering how to answer the question. She startled when Helen gently caressed her hair. "It's okay to want her Helena, to need her. You're so strong, but even you need someone."

ooo

To Helena's surprise dinner had been both civilized and lovely. Though she had no clue what she had actually eating. Her whole focus had been on the woman sitting across from her, on Helen's left. She basked in the sound of Myka's laughter; the only nagging sorrow being that she was not the one causing it. She put her hand on the table, palm facing up and looked hopefully at Myka. She met her eyes and it looked like she was searching for something in there. Whatever it was, she must have found it because she slowly put her hand in Helena's. Helena sighed as her fingers closed around Myka's. "Thank you," she whispered.

Myka nodded silently as she squeezed Helena's hand. Helena felt tears in her eyes. She didn't bother holding them back as she laughed with joy. She startled when Myka let go of her hand and panicked for a moment until she saw her move around the table. Myka's arms hugged her close as she pulled her down on her lap, desperately clinging to her. She felt wetness on her hand when she touched Myka's face and realized that she was crying too. Not wanting to break the moment she just held her until both their tears subsided. Myka leaned back and looked at her through wet eyelashes. She smiled a little and then gently brushed her lips against Helena's.

"I'm glad that you're getting closer," Helen said gently, effectively interrupting the tender moment. Helena's eyes shooting daggers at her seemed not to bother her one bit. "Myka, would you be a darling and help me clear the table?"

Myka started to get up, but Helena's strong arms kept her in place. They looked at each other. "It's okay, Helena," she said softly. Helena let out a breath she hadn't been aware of holding. She relaxed her arms and allowed Myka to escape from her grasp. "Helen, you're the devil," she mumbled.

"I heard that," she chuckled.

"I meant for you to," Helena quipped.

Helen gently caressed her hair and kissed the crown of her head. "Patience darling."

Helena sighed in frustration.

ooo

A couple of days later the tree of them were again together. Helen was sitting in one of the chairs across from them. Helena was relaxed where she sat leaning against the corner of the sofa, holding Myka in a soft embrace. Myka seemed relaxed too.

"Myka," Helen said softly. "What questions do you have for Helena?"

Helena startled and shot her a pleading look. She was so happy right now, why did Helen have to ruin it?

Myka sighed and sat up. She put her hand on Helena's thigh, needing the comfort and support the touch provided. "Why wasn't my love for you enough?" she whispered.

Helena closed her eyes and turned her head away. Soft fingers grabbed her chin and made her look at her. "Please Helena, I need to know."

"In the end it was," Helena whispered.

Myka nodded. "But not before that. I'm trying to understand Helena. Trying to trace your moves and understand your decisions. I can see the trail you left behind. It wasn't like you. You are too smart for that. If you really wanted to do this you would have erased all trace of your acts. I know that. You did it before."

"McPhearson," Helena said and nodded. "Yes I could easily have sent you in the wrong direction, but it didn't."

"Why?"

"I needed to know if you would come after me," she finally admitted. "I couldn't stop this force inside of me. It had taken over my soul. I felt like I had let everyone down. I couldn't allow myself to be loved by you. I didn't deserve your pure love," she whispered the last words.

"And now?"

"I'm still not sure if I deserve you, but I know that I need you. I need your strength to keep me on the right path."

Myka took her hands. "I need you too, and so does the Warehouse."

"The Warehouse?" she blurted out. She looked at Helen. She nodded in confirmation.

"Artie did a lot of soul searching and he realized that something was off with all of this. He finally figured it out."

"Figured what out?" Helena asked confused.

"What triggered your actions. It was the cape."

She remembered now. The dark shroud they had covered her with when she was stolen away from the warehouse. "What about it?"

"It once belonged to Emperor Caligula," she said and wrapped her arms around her. "It is a very dangerous artifact. It feeds on your guilt and anger, but also on your passion. It can turn you into a monster. Caligula believed that he was a god. That he had ultimate power," she whispered. "The only thing that can defeat it is love. Love for yourself, and for others," she said sadly. "Helena, until you can forgive yourself and learn to love yourself, it will still have its grip on your soul. There's no other cure for it. You need to fight it."

Helena stared at her. She started to shake. "It wasn't just my fault," she whispered as she finally understood.

"Yes hon."

Helena got up and without a word she left the room, closing the door silently behind her. Myka got up to follow her, but Helen stopped her. "Give her time to digest it Myka. She needs to deal with this in her own way. You opened her eyes and gave her permission to love herself. Have faith in your love for her. It will prevail."

Myka bit her lip. "It's so hard. I can see how much she's hurting."

Helen nodded. "Go back to your room. I'll be up in a little while."

Myka sighed but did as she asked. She glanced at Helen over by the door to Helena's bedroom one last time before she stepped through the exit.

ooo

Helena was pacing. One hand rubbing her throat as if comforting herself. She turned and faced Helen as she entered. She rushed over and grabbed Helen by the shoulders. "Helen, I can't stand this place anymore. I need air. I need to see the sky," she said desperately.

Helen nodded and took her hand. "Don't try anything, or I'll shoot you," she said half jokingly, half seriously.

Helena nodded seriously. "I won't. You have my word."

Helen had brought her up on the roof. She watched silently as Helena leaned her head back, eyes closed, her hair fanning behind her. She could see the utter pleasure the warm night air brought her. She turned and smiled at Helen. "Thank you."

They had sat down in the dark and just enjoyed the quiet night, high above the city. The stars had come out and Helena watched the sky intently, as if memorizing them. "It's not the last time, Helena," Helen said reassuringly.

"Do you remember, back in England, that night when we slept under the stars?" Helena asked, ignoring her comment.

"I do."

"Just you and me and the horses," Helena whispered. She turned and gently cupped Helen's cheek. "You were so beautiful, your body like alabaster in the moonlight."

Helen looked down a little embarrassed about the feelings Helena's words evoked. "Your words have always been your strongest weapon, Helena," she said and smiled. "Even now I am defenseless against them."

Helena laughed and pulled her towards her. "I'm glad that I have some power over the almighty Helen Magnus," she teased. She felt content holding her. It brought her comfort, but surprisingly, not passion. "Can we…" she stopped, regretting her question.

"What Helena? Please tell me."

"I just thought it would be lovely to go riding again. This world doesn't seem to have the same appreciation for horses. It's one thing that I do miss; the feel of a spirited animal under you, the danger, the power."

Helen smiled. "Maybe someday," she said in an open-ended offer.

ooo

It was hours later when she said good night to an exhausted Helena. She knew she would sleep, she was too tired not to. Silently pondering Helena's request she walked down the hall towards Myka's room. She was surprised at how late it was. She stopped outside Myka's room, but decided not to disturb her. She turned and was about to walk back to her office when Myka's door opened. She was standing there in her robe. "I thought it might be you. Please come in," she pleaded.

Helen nodded and followed her.


	8. Chapter 8

Myka curled up on the bed as Helen sat down in one of the arm chairs.

"Well?" Myka asked.

"She's fine Myka," Helen said and smiled at her. "We spent some time on the roof.

Myka's eyes grew big. "You brought her up on the roof? Are you insane? What if she…"

Helen cut her off. "Don't you think I had taken precautions against that? Do you really think that I am so stupid I would have allowed Helena to hurt herself? Really Myka, have you learned _nothing_ from me?"

Myka flinched when Helen's harsh words hit her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I'm just worried about her."

Helen walked over and pulled the upset young woman into her arms. "I know darling, but you need to trust that I know what I'm doing."

"I do," Myka said in a small voice.

"Come sit with me," Helen said gently and led Myka over to the couch. She watched Myka pull her legs underneath her, as if making herself as small as possible. "Myka, what do you know about the world Helena and I grew up in?"

Myka looked up at her. "Not much. Why?"

"As cliché as it might sound, Helena's childhood and upbringing has a lot to do with why she was so susceptible to the cape's power."

"How come?" Myka asked curious.

"Let me tell you about the first time I met her," Helen said and smiled. "She was nine years old, and she was very upset."

"Why?" Myka asked. "Was she hurt?"

Helen shook her head. "Not physically, but definitely mentally. Her father had yet again lectured her on the proper behavior for a young lady. He never laid hands on her, ever. Surprising really," Helen noted. "But what he did with his words was a hundred times more powerful, and extremely damaging." Helen looked her in the eyes. "Would you believe me if I told you that the reason that she was crying her heart out alone that afternoon was because she had committed the simple crime of wearing a pair of boy's trousers?"

Myka gasped. "What happened?"

"Her playmates as a child were all boys. She wanted to run like them, climb trees like them and ride horses like them. Wearing dresses did not make that easy."

Myka nodded.

"So on this particular day she had taken a pair of boy's trousers that were hanging on the clothes line. They probably belonged to one of the cook's boys. She had then ordered the stable lad to saddle one of the horses using what you would call an English saddle. She was racing her two friends when her father spotted her. He was furious. Not only was his daughter behaving like a heathen, his words, not mine, but she was dressed like a boy and her hair was not tied up."

Myka could envision how beautiful she must have been. Laughing, with rosy cheeks and her hair blowing in the wind behind her as the horse carried her to victory.

"I held her that afternoon until she stopped crying. I talked to her and finally coaxed the whole story out of her. I was horrified. In that moment I decided to make my stay with the Wells family longer. I ended up staying for almost two months. We became friends, little Helena and I," she said and smiled. "She tagged along with me everywhere I went. She was so sweet."

Myka smiled. "I wish I could've seen it," she whispered.

Helen smiled and thought for a moment. "I might have a drawing of her somewhere. I'll look."

"Please go on. What happened?"

"Do you know who George Sand was?" Helen asked, anticipating the answer.

Myka rolled her eyes. "I grew up in a bookstore, so yeah, I know who she was. Why?"

"She's Helena's great aunt."

Myka's eyes grew so big Helen was afraid they would pop out of her head. "George Sand was Helena's great aunt?" she repeated. "Wow. I knew she grew up surrounded by important people, but I had no idea."

Helen nodded. "She did. I'll tell you more about that some other time, or perhaps she'll tell you herself. Most of that happened later in her life, but George was there when she was growing up. It's actually from her that Helena got the idea to wear trousers," Helen said with a sad smile. "She adored her great auntie GG as she called her. I think GG inspired her to do many of the things she did later on in life."

Myka nodded fascinated.

"Do you know that Helena's middle initial stands for George?"

"No I didn't. After George Sand?"

"Yes."

"Wow," Myka said again. "I guess Ophelia doesn't even come close to that," she mumbled.

Helen laughed. "GG gave Helena some balance. She allowed her to be herself. They talked for hours at a time; GG never growing tired of answering Helena's steady stream of questions. She was such a curious child."

"I can see that," Myka said and laughed.

"GG also convinced her to learn to play the piano, something Helena had refused before. I remember once when her father asked her to play for their guests. Helena refused. Hands on hips she stomped her foot telling him no. She was actually quite adorable. Not that I would've told her that. All I could do was trying not to laugh out loud," Helen said and laughed at the memory. "Then suddenly GG was there. She put Helena on her lap and started telling her about her time in Mallorca with Chopin. She had been teaching Helena some of his work. She asked her if she remembered the sound of the rain. Helena, eager to please her mentor and great auntie, nodded. GG asked her to show her, and that was it. She played the most beautiful version of Chopin's Raindrop Prelude that afternoon." Helen got a faraway look in her eyes, and Myka realized that she was lost in the memory.

"I've never heard her play," she whispered. "I didn't even know that she played the piano."

Helen nodded. "That's why I'm telling you all of this. I want you to learn about where she comes from. You need to embrace all of her in order to help her." She took Myka's hands and looked at her. "Helena was told that she was bad, that she was a wicked little girl, so many times growing up, that it infested her soul. She started to believe that she was bad, and no matter what she did, she would get in trouble. So she stopped caring and just existed. I saw it slowly happen over the years, but it wasn't until years later when I met her again in London that I finally saw true challenge and rebellion in her eyes. She had left her father's house to settle in London. She was twenty years old. A free spirit. The liberal circles in London welcomed her with open arms. For the first time in her life she was free to do almost what she wanted. She drank, played cards, loved and partied. What did it matter? She would get in trouble no matter what."

"You said you met her again," Myka said encouraging her to continue.

Helen nodded, conflicted as to how much she should reveal.

Helen's sudden silence confused Myka and she looked at her, waiting for an explanation. Finally it dawned on her. "That's when you became lovers," she said quietly.

Helen nodded. "I fought the attraction. I thought it was wrong. In the end it didn't matter. She had made the decision for both of us, and I wasn't able to resist."

Myka chuckled. "Yeah, she can be pretty pushy when she wants something."

"How true," Helen said and smiled.

Myka looked curiously at her. "You said that you knew her as a child, but then you were also lovers. How much older are you?"

Helen chuckled. "My dear Myka, are you asking a lady about her age?" she teased.

Myka grinned. "Yeah, I guess I am."

Helen smiled and tilted her head. "I'm thirteen years older than Helena. When we became lovers she was twenty and I was thirty-three."

"But didn't you just say that she was twenty when she arrived in London?" Myka asked confused.

Helen nodded. "The reason Myka, that Helena and I will forever be connected is twofold, I saved her as a child, and…" she looked straight at Myka. "I was her first lover."

Myka nodded, finally understanding. She was annoyed and embarrassed about the jealous feelings that burned inside of her. It was in the past, and she could do nothing about it. She looked at Helen. "Thank you for trusting me. And thank you for saving her."

Helen nodded.

After Helen left she lay awake in bed thinking about Helena, trying to envision her as a young and carefree woman in 1880s London. Then images of her with Helen caused her eyes to fill up with tears. She knew the strength of that bond. Most lovers are forgotten over the years and fade into the past, but never your first one.

o o o o o

Helen poured herself another cup of tea. She glanced at Helena sitting at her desk writing. She waited until she paused before speaking. "Helena darling, would you like another cup?"

"Huh?" Helena looked at her. She had been so deep in thought she had forgotten that Helen was still there. "Yes please," she said and walked over to where Helen was sitting on the couch. She watched as Helen expertly prepared her tea just the way she liked it. She smiled at her as she handed her the cup. "Thank you."

Helen smiled and picked up her own cup again. "I was talking to Myka last night."

Helena gave her a sharp look. "About what?"

"You, me, London, George, many things," she said and looked into the tan beverage in her cup.

"Did you tell her about us?" Helena asked softly.

"Not in great detail, but yes."

Helen met Helena's dark eyes in a challenge. Finally Helena nodded and looked away. "Thank you for doing that. I'm sure it wasn't easy."

"No it wasn't, but she deserves to know. She's starting to feel jealous."

Helena smiled sadly. "You don't want me anyway, so there really is no reason for her to feel that way."

"Don't you understand? It's not my feelings that matter to her, but yours. She knows that you still love me."

Helena nodded. "I do," she said and smiled. "I probably always will."

"Any now she knows why our bond is so strong."

"Because you were my first," Helena whispered. She looked up at Helen and a mischievous smile started to form on her lips. "You do realize that I fell in love with you long before that?"

Helen smiled. "You were always mature for your age. And nosy too. I still can't believe that you spied on me."

Helena laughed out loud. "God how I've missed you Helen," she said and kissed her cheek. "I was very jealous of Catherine you know," she said, her eyes twinkled.

"Is that why you put a frog in her bed?"

Helena laughed out loud. "I'd forgotten about that."

"She was not amused," Helen laughed.

"She deserved it," Helena said and grinned.

"Why? For loving me?"

Helena nodded. "You allowed her to share things with you that I could only dream about."

"Well, if you, miss nosy had stayed out of my room, you would've known nothing about those things."

"Instead I got a firsthand _lady love_ show," Helena said and roared with laughter at Helen's obvious discomfort.

"You were twelve years old Helena. You should not have seen that."

Helena shrugged. "Didn't seem to hurt me much. And as much as I was jealous of Catherine, she was hot."

Helen gently swatted at her. "Oh hush now."

She laughed. "You do have good taste in women Helen," she mused. "Seems like you prefer long dark hair and eyes," she teased.

"Oh do be quiet, Helena," she said embarrassed.

Helena laughed again. It just felt so good to laugh with Helen. She took her hand. "Thank you for bringing back the good memories and for making me laugh again."

Helen smiled at her and nodded. "We did have a lot of good times, didn't we?"

Helena nodded. "So what else did you tell Myka about my sordid past?"

Helen chuckled and pulled away from her. "I told her about George, and the day when you played Chopin for us."

Helena smiled. "I remember that. You know I really only played for the two of you."

"It doesn't matter, it was still beautiful," Helen said softly. "I miss it."

Helen took her hand. "Would you like me to play for you?"

Helen looked at her and nodded, but then hesitated for a moment.

Helena smirked. "If you can trust me up on the roof, I think it's fair to say that there's little I can do with a piano," she teased.

Helen laughed and nodded. "All right. Let's go upstairs. Maybe we'll have dinner too."

o o o o o

Helena sat down by the grand piano and gently caressed the keys. She smiled at the soft, familiar feel. She was just about to start playing when her fingertip felt something oddly familiar on one of the keys. She startled and stared at the ivory key and the scratch on it. She looked up at Helen for confirmation.

"It's the same piano," Helen confirmed.

"Wow," she said amazed and touched the dark wood. "I played for you on this very piano that night," she whispered.

"I remember," Helen said softly and put her hand on Helena's shoulder.

"You sat down next to me and thanked me," she whispered. "and then you kissed me."

Helen nodded, unable to speak.

"I had never felt more loved in my life than that night with you," Helena whispered. "You made me feel beautiful, worshipped and so very special." She turned and wrapped her arms around Helen's waist.

Helen gently caressed her hair allowing her to digest the memories from their shared past. She gently raised her chin and smiled at her. "And now there's someone else who makes you feel just like that again."

Helena smiled and turned her head. "Maybe. I'm not sure if what we had is possible to restore. Perhaps it's beyond repair."

"I know you don't really believe that darling," she said softly. Helena didn't answer. Her finger gently caressed the damaged key. She pushed it down and listened to the note. "High C," she mumbled.

Helen smiled. "Play something Helena. Anything you like." She returned to her favorite chair and sat down. She picked up the snifter and swirled the cognac around as Helena warmed up. Finally she started to play. Helen smiled. It was Chopin's Raindrop Prelude.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Myka took a longer route than usual back to her room after dinner. She had been disappointed that Helen had not been present at the dinner table, but she understood that she needed to spend time alone with Helena. Still it made her cringe thinking about the two of them having dinner together. Knowing both women's love for candle light she was sure that any dinner setting for the two of them would be quite romantic in nature. It didn't matter that it was what they were used to and that they took comfort in little things that reminded them of the old days, Myka still felt the sharp sting of jealousy burn inside of her.

As she turned a corner she heard music. Surprised she walked in the direction it was coming from. The door was slightly ajar so she peeked inside. She saw Helen sitting quietly sipping a cognac while watching Helena play. She silently slipped through the door. Helen, always observant glanced in her direction. She smiled at her and waived her over. She sank down on the seat next to her. When Helen reached out and took her hand she squeezed it gently in a quiet thank you.

Myka just stared at Helena as she played. She was so beautiful. Her slender fingers floated gracefully over the keys. Her white shirt was a stark contrast to the dark wood of the piano. Myka almost felt like she was watching an old black and white movie. She felt Helen lean closer and whisper in her ear. "This is what she played that time I told you about, when she was a little girl."

Myka nodded. She wasn't too familiar with classical music so she appreciated the guidance. Chopin, she thought.

The music ended and Helena rested her hands on her thighs as she sat for a moment with her eyes closed, lost in thought.

"Go to her," Helen whispered and gave Myka a gently push.

Myka walked over and sat down next to Helena on the piano bench. Helena startled and looked up at her. "Myka," she whispered.

Myka smiled. "That was beautiful."

"Thank you darling," Helena said and smiled.

Myka reached up and tucked Helena's hair behind her ear. "You are beautiful," she whispered.

Helena's eyes twinkled and she leaned closer and pressed her lips against Myka's. It reminded her of another kiss that she had experienced so many years ago, by this very same piano. She fought the tears and instead wrapped her arms around Myka and pulled her closer. She opened her eyes when she heard the door close. She pulled away from Myka and took her hands. "We're alone," she said.

Myka looked over her shoulder. Helen was gone.

"Come," she said and squeezed Myka's hand. She led her over to the window. Standing behind Myka she wrapped her arms around her. "I need you Myka," she whispered softly.

Myka turned in her arms. "I need you too Helena, but…" she didn't know how to put her feelings into words. She kissed her softly. "I love you Helena," she whispered against her lips. "But I don't think I'm ready to accept that you have healed."

Helena sighed. "I don't know if I ever will, completely."

"I'm here for you. You aren't alone. I want this as much as you do," she gently caressed Helena's cheek. "You don't have to be perfect, no one is. I just want to have the woman I fell in love with back," Myka said gently.

Helena sniffled and nodded. "I'm trying. I really am."

"I know you are. I wouldn't be here if I didn't believe in you."

Helena smiled. "You were very angry with me when I first saw you here."

"I thought you had given up, and I just couldn't accept that."

Helena nodded. "I was close to."

"You have to fight Helena," she said passionately.

Helena chuckled. "That's what you said that awful day in Yellowstone."

"I believed in you even then hon," Myka said softly. "I just couldn't accept that you had thrown everything away, that nothing mattered anymore, that I didn't matter to you anymore. If that was really true, I had no reason for living either."

Helena startled. "Is that why you made me point the gun to your head?" she asked. Myka could hear the fear in her voice.

"Yes," she said and her voice broke. Helena cupped her cheeks and made her look at her. She saw a storm in Helena's eyes and it scared her.

"Myka, we don't know how this will end. I might never be let out," she said seriously. "I don't even know if I will survive this," she added tiredly. "What I do know is that I need you to be safe and alive. Promise me that no matter what, you will go on with your life, and find happiness."

Myka felt tears run down her cheeks. "I don't know Helena. What I feel for you is so strong, it scares me. I've never felt like this with anyone before. When you were gone, it felt like my chest was one big dark hole that just kept growing until it would engulf me and damn me to eternal darkness."

Helena shivered and pulled her close. "Dear god," she whispered.

"Every time I touch you I feel like my soul is about to burst with happiness," Myka whispered. "But now, I'm scared. What if this is the last time? What if I will never feel you again?"

Helena led her over to the sofa and sat down. She cradled Myka in her arms."I know darling, trust me I know," she whispered.

Myka looked up at her. Her mascara was schmeared and she had dark streaks on her cheeks, but it didn't matter to Helena. She was still so incredibly beautiful. She grabbed her head and pulled her to her, crashing their lips together in a kiss so desperate it took her breath away. She felt Myka's hands in her hair pulling her even closer. She tasted her mouth and heard her whimper when their tongues touched. Finally she pulled away. Out of breath she pulled Myka's head against her neck and just held her. "I want you so much it hurts," she whispered.

Myka kissed her neck. "I know."

"Whatever happens darling, I am going to make love to you again," Helena promised.

x x x o o o x x x

Helen carefully removed the lid and peeked inside the old box. It had been years since she last touched these items. She just hoped that the tempered storage area in the underground vault had kept them in pristine condition.

One by one she put the items down on her desk. Each carrying with it a cherished memory. Some she had forgotten she even had. She picked up a small framed picture and gently caressed the faces. Three smiling faces looked up at her. She didn't need to check the date, she knew it by heart, June 19, 1897. She debated showing it to Helena, unsure of how she would react. How she would feel about the family she had had and lost. She looked so happy in the picture. Helena was sitting with Christina standing next to her, a protective arm around the girl's waist. She was standing behind Helena with a hand on her shoulder. It had been a wonderful summer, 1897. They had spent time together at Helena's estate just doing simple things. She and Christina had grown closer that summer. She remembered one particular tender moment when Christina had fallen asleep with her head in her lap. She had watched her sleep while gently caressing her hair. When she looked up she had seen Helena standing there watching them, silent tears rolling down her cheeks. Helena had picked the girl up and carried her to her own room. When she returned she had taken Helen in her arms, kissing her fiercely. She had made love to her that night with more passion than she had ever experienced. Helen sighed. Whatever she had had with Helena had been gone forever after Christina's death. Not until she lost Ashley had she really been able to fully understand that intense pain and sheer hatred for the people who had hurt your child. She put the photo aside. She would keep it for now. There was no reason to cause more pain than necessary.

She finally selected a few items and put them aside. She carefully returned the other ones to the box and replaced the lid. Searching for a moment she found a smaller box perfect for the purpose. With the small box in hand she left the room.

x x x o o o x x x


End file.
